{"id":236825,"date":"2018-02-13T14:08:08","date_gmt":"2018-02-13T19:08:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/?p=236825"},"modified":"2026-02-27T11:18:53","modified_gmt":"2026-02-27T16:18:53","slug":"scientists-find-a-few-surprises-in-their-study-of-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/story\/2018\/02\/scientists-find-a-few-surprises-in-their-study-of-love\/","title":{"rendered":"When love and science double date"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\t\n\t
\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\tHealth\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\n\t\t

\n\t\tWhen love and science double date\t<\/h1>\n\n\t\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\n
\"\"

Illustration by Sophie Blackall<\/p><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\t

\n\t\t
\n\t\t\t
\n\t\t\t\t\t

\n\t\tAlvin Powell\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t

\n\t\t\tHarvard Staff Writer\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/address>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n\t\t

\n\t\t\tSure, your heart thumps, but let\u2019s look at what\u2019s happening physically and psychologically\t\t<\/h2>\n\t\t\n<\/header>\n\n\n\n
\n

\u201cThey gave each other a smile with a future in it.\u201d <\/em>
\n\u2014 Ring Lardner<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Love\u2019s warm squishiness seems a thing far removed from the cold, hard reality of science. Yet the two do meet, whether in lab tests for surging hormones or in austere chambers where MRI scanners noisily thunk and peer into brains that ignite at glimpses of their soulmates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When it comes to thinking deeply about love, poets, philosophers, and even high school boys gazing dreamily at girls two rows over have a significant head start on science. But the field is gamely racing to catch up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One database of scientific publications turns up more than 6,600 pages of results in a search for the word \u201clove.\u201d The National Institutes of Health (NIH) is conducting 18 clinical trials on it (though, like love itself, NIH\u2019s \u201clove\u201d can have layered meanings, including as an acronym for a study of Crohn\u2019s disease). Though not normally considered an intestinal ailment, love is often described as an illness, and the smitten as lovesick. Comedian George Burns once described love as something like a backache: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t show up on X-rays, but you know it\u2019s there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Richard Schwartz<\/a>, associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School<\/a> (HMS) and a consultant to McLean<\/a> and Massachusetts General<\/a> (MGH) hospitals, says it\u2019s never been proven that love makes you physically sick, though it does raise levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that has been shown to suppress immune function.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Love also turns on the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is known to stimulate the brain\u2019s pleasure centers. Couple that with a drop in levels of serotonin \u2014 which adds a dash of obsession \u2014 and you have the crazy, pleasing, stupefied, urgent love of infatuation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s also true, Schwartz said, that like the moon \u2014 a trigger of its own legendary form of madness \u2014 love has its phases.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s fairly complex, and we only know a little about it,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cThere are different phases and moods of love. The early phase of love is quite different\u201d from later phases.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

During the first love-year, serotonin levels gradually return to normal, and the \u201cstupid\u201d and \u201cobsessive\u201d aspects of the condition moderate. That period is followed by increases in the hormone oxytocin, a neurotransmitter associated with a calmer, more mature form of love. The oxytocin helps cement bonds, raise immune function, and begin to confer the health benefits found in married couples, who tend to live longer, have fewer strokes and heart attacks, be less depressed, and have higher survival rates from major surgery and cancer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Schwartz has built a career around studying the love, hate, indifference, and other emotions that mark our complex relationships. And, though science is learning more in the lab than ever before, he said he still has learned far more counseling couples. His wife and sometime collaborator, Jacqueline Olds<\/a>, also an associate professor of psychiatry at HMS and a consultant to McLean and MGH, agrees.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"

Spouses Richard Schwartz and Jacqueline Olds, both associate professors of psychiatry, have collaborated on a book about marriage.\t\t\t<\/p>

Stephanie Mitchell\/Harvard Staff Photographer<\/p><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

More knowledge, but struggling to understand<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI think we know a lot more scientifically about love and the brain than we did a couple of decades ago, but I don\u2019t think it tells us very much that we didn\u2019t already know about love,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cIt\u2019s kind of interesting, it\u2019s kind of fun [to study]. But do we think that makes us better at love, or helping people with love? Probably not much.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Love and companionship have made indelible marks on Schwartz and Olds. Though they have separate careers, they\u2019re separate together, working from discrete offices across the hall from each other in their stately Cambridge home. Each has a professional practice and independently trains psychiatry students, but they\u2019ve also collaborated on two books about loneliness and one on marriage. Their own union has lasted 39 years, and they raised two children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cI think we know a lot more scientifically about love and the brain than we did a couple of decades ago … But do we think that makes us better at love, or helping people with love? Probably not much.\u201d<\/p>\nRichard Schwartz, associate professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI have learned much more from doing couples therapy, and being in a couple\u2019s relationship\u201d than from science, Olds said. \u201cBut every now and again, something like the fMRI or chemical studies can help you make the point better. If you say to somebody, \u2018I think you\u2019re doing this, and it\u2019s terrible for a relationship,\u2019 they may not pay attention. If you say, \u2018It\u2019s corrosive, and it\u2019s causing your cortisol to go way up,\u2019 then they really sit up and listen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A side benefit is that examining other couples\u2019 trials and tribulations has helped their own relationship over the inevitable rocky bumps, Olds said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTo some extent, being a psychiatrist allows you a privileged window into other people\u2019s triumphs and mistakes,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd because you get to learn from them as they learn from you, when you work with somebody 10 years older than you, you learn what mistakes 10 years down the line might be.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People have written for centuries about love shifting from passionate to companionate, something Schwartz called \u201cboth a good and a sad thing.\u201d Different couples experience that shift differently. While the passion fades for some, others keep its flames burning, while still others are able to rekindle the fires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou have a tidal-like motion of closeness and drifting apart, closeness and drifting apart,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd you have to have one person have a \u2018distance alarm\u2019 to notice the drifting apart so there can be a reconnection \u2026 One could say that in the couples who are most successful at keeping their relationship alive over the years, there\u2019s an element of companionate love and an element of passionate love. And those each get reawakened in that drifting back and forth, the ebb and flow of lasting relationships.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Children as the biggest stressor<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Children remain the biggest stressor on relationships, Olds said, adding that it seems a particular problem these days. Young parents feel pressure to raise kids perfectly, even at the risk of their own relationships. Kids are a constant presence for parents. The days when child care consisted of the instruction \u201cGo play outside\u201d while mom and dad reconnected over cocktails are largely gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When not hovering over children, America\u2019s workaholic culture, coupled with technology\u2019s 24\/7 intrusiveness, can make it hard for partners to pay attention to each other in the evenings and even on weekends. It is a problem that Olds sees even in environments that ought to know better, such as psychiatry residency programs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThere are all these sweet young doctors who are trying to have families while they\u2019re in residency,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd the residencies work them so hard there\u2019s barely time for their relationship or having children or taking care of children. So, we\u2019re always trying to balance the fact that, in psychiatry, we stand for psychological good health, but [in] the residency we run, sometimes we don\u2019t practice everything we preach.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cThere is too much pressure … on what a romantic partner should be. They should be your best friend, they should be your lover, they should be your closest relative, they should be your work partner, they should be the co-parent, your athletic partner. … Of course everybody isn\u2019t able to quite live up to it.\u201d<\/p>\nJacqueline Olds, associate professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

All this busy-ness has affected non-romantic relationships too, which has a ripple effect on the romantic ones, Olds said. A respected national social survey has shown that in recent years people have gone from having three close friends to two, with one of those their romantic partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOften when you scratch the surface \u2026 the second [friend] lives 3,000 miles away, and you can\u2019t talk to them on the phone because they\u2019re on a different time schedule,\u201d Olds said. \u201cThere is too much pressure, from my point of view, on what a romantic partner should be. They should be your best friend, they should be your lover, they should be your closest relative, they should be your work partner, they should be the co-parent, your athletic partner. There\u2019s just so much pressure on the role of spouse that of course everybody isn\u2019t able to quite live up to it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since the rising challenges of modern life aren\u2019t going to change soon, Schwartz and Olds said couples should try to adopt ways to fortify their relationships for life\u2019s long haul. For instance, couples benefit from shared goals and activities, which will help pull them along a shared life path, Schwartz said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not going to get to 40 years by gazing into each other\u2019s eyes,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cI think the fact that we\u2019ve worked on things together has woven us together more, in good ways.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maintain curiosity about your partner<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Also important is retaining a genuine sense of curiosity about your partner, fostered both by time apart to have separate experiences, and by time together, just as a couple, to share those experiences. Schwartz cited a study by Robert Waldinger, clinical professor of psychiatry at MGH and HMS, in which couples watched videos of themselves arguing. Afterwards, each person was asked what the partner was thinking. The longer they had been together, the worse they actually were at guessing, in part because they thought they already knew.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat keeps love alive is being able to recognize that you don\u2019t really know your partner perfectly and still being curious and still be exploring,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cWhich means, in addition to being sure you have enough time and involvement with each other \u2014 that that time isn\u2019t stolen \u2014 making sure you have enough separateness that you can be an object of curiosity for the other person.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

They suggest that couples share goals and aspirations, stay curious about each other, and, for pity\u2019s sake, go out once in a while.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":108352576,"featured_media":238582,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"gz_ga_pageviews":131,"gz_ga_lastupdated":"2025-09-05 06:05","document_color_palette":"crimson","author":"Alvin Powell","affiliation":"Harvard Staff 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schwartz"],"dateCreated":"2018-02-13T19:08:08Z","datePublished":"2018-02-13T19:08:08Z","dateModified":"2026-02-27T16:18:53Z"},"rendered":"<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"wp-parsely-metadata\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@type\":\"NewsArticle\",\"headline\":\"When love and science double 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school\",\"jacqueline olds\",\"love\",\"marriage\",\"massachusetts general hospital\",\"mclean hospital\",\"partners\",\"relationships\",\"richard schwartz\"],\"dateCreated\":\"2018-02-13T19:08:08Z\",\"datePublished\":\"2018-02-13T19:08:08Z\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-02-27T16:18:53Z\"}<\/script>","tracker_url":"https:\/\/cdn.parsely.com\/keys\/news.harvard.edu\/p.js"},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/lovepsych.jpg","has_blocks":true,"block_data":{"0":{"blockName":"harvard-gazette\/article-header","attrs":{"blockColorPalette":"","categoryId":39644,"creditText":"Illustration by Sophie Blackall","displayOverlay":false,"isAmbient":true,"mediaHeight":680,"mediaId":238582,"mediaSize":"full","mediaType":"image","mediaUrl":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/lovepsych.jpg","mediaWidth":1024,"poster":"","subheading":"Sure, your heart thumps, but let\u2019s look at what\u2019s happening physically and psychologically","title":"When love and science double date","useUncroppedImage":true,"className":"is-style-fullscreen","backgroundFixed":false,"backgroundTone":"light","centeredImage":false,"coloredBackground":false,"coloredHeading":true,"displayDetails":"","displayTitle":"","fadeInText":false,"mediaAlt":"","mediaCaption":"","mediaLength":"","mediaPosition":"","posterText":"","titleAbove":false,"lock":[],"metadata":[]},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-238582\" height=\"680\" loading=\"eager\" src=\"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/lovepsych.jpg\" width=\"1024\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><p class=\"wp-element-caption--credit\">Illustration by Sophie Blackall<\/p><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","innerContent":["\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-238582\" height=\"680\" loading=\"eager\" src=\"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/lovepsych.jpg\" width=\"1024\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><p class=\"wp-element-caption--credit\">Illustration by Sophie Blackall<\/p><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n"],"rendered":"<header\n\tclass=\"wp-block-harvard-gazette-article-header alignfull article-header is-style-fullscreen has-uncropped-image\"\n\tstyle=\" --min-height: 66.40625vw;\"\n>\n\t\n\t<div class=\"article-header__content\">\n\t\t\t<a\n\t\t\tclass=\"article-header__category\"\n\t\t\thref=\"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/section\/health\/\"\n\t\t>\n\t\t\tHealth\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\n\t\t<h1 class=\"article-header__title wp-block-heading \">\n\t\tWhen love and science double date\t<\/h1>\n\n\t\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-238582\" height=\"680\" loading=\"eager\" src=\"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/lovepsych.jpg\" width=\"1024\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><p class=\"wp-element-caption--credit\">Illustration by Sophie Blackall<\/p><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\t<div class=\"article-header__meta\">\n\t\t<div class=\"wp-block-post-author\">\n\t\t\t<address class=\"wp-block-post-author__content\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<p class=\"author wp-block-post-author__name\">\n\t\tAlvin Powell\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p class=\"wp-block-post-author__byline\">\n\t\t\tHarvard Staff Writer\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/address>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n\t\t<time class=\"article-header__date\" datetime=\"2018-02-13\">\n\t\t\tFebruary 13, 2018\t\t<\/time>\n\n\t\t<span class=\"article-header__reading-time\">\n\t\t\t9 min read\t\t<\/span>\n\t<\/div>\n\n\t\n\t\t\t<h2 class=\"article-header__subheading wp-block-heading\">\n\t\t\tSure, your heart thumps, but let\u2019s look at what\u2019s happening physically and psychologically\t\t<\/h2>\n\t\t\n<\/header>\n"},"2":{"blockName":"core\/group","attrs":{"templateLock":false,"metadata":{"name":"Article content"},"align":"wide","layout":{"type":"constrained","justifyContent":"center"},"tagName":"div","lock":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","ariaLabel":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"center","content":"<em>\u201cThey gave each other a smile with a future in it.\u201d <\/em><br>\n<em>\u2014 Ring Lardner<\/em>","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><em>\u201cThey gave each other a smile with a future in it.\u201d <\/em><br>\n<em>\u2014 Ring Lardner<\/em><\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><em>\u201cThey gave each other a smile with a future in it.\u201d <\/em><br>\n<em>\u2014 Ring Lardner<\/em><\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><em>\u201cThey gave each other a smile with a future in it.\u201d <\/em><br>\n<em>\u2014 Ring Lardner<\/em><\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"Love\u2019s warm squishiness seems a thing far removed from the cold, hard reality of science. Yet the two do meet, whether in lab tests for surging hormones or in austere chambers where MRI scanners noisily thunk and peer into brains that ignite at glimpses of their soulmates.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>Love\u2019s warm squishiness seems a thing far removed from the cold, hard reality of science. Yet the two do meet, whether in lab tests for surging hormones or in austere chambers where MRI scanners noisily thunk and peer into brains that ignite at glimpses of their soulmates.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>Love\u2019s warm squishiness seems a thing far removed from the cold, hard reality of science. Yet the two do meet, whether in lab tests for surging hormones or in austere chambers where MRI scanners noisily thunk and peer into brains that ignite at glimpses of their soulmates.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>Love\u2019s warm squishiness seems a thing far removed from the cold, hard reality of science. Yet the two do meet, whether in lab tests for surging hormones or in austere chambers where MRI scanners noisily thunk and peer into brains that ignite at glimpses of their soulmates.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"When it comes to thinking deeply about love, poets, philosophers, and even high school boys gazing dreamily at girls two rows over have a significant head start on science. But the field is gamely racing to catch up.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>When it comes to thinking deeply about love, poets, philosophers, and even high school boys gazing dreamily at girls two rows over have a significant head start on science. But the field is gamely racing to catch up.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>When it comes to thinking deeply about love, poets, philosophers, and even high school boys gazing dreamily at girls two rows over have a significant head start on science. But the field is gamely racing to catch up.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>When it comes to thinking deeply about love, poets, philosophers, and even high school boys gazing dreamily at girls two rows over have a significant head start on science. But the field is gamely racing to catch up.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"One database of scientific publications turns up more than 6,600 pages of results in a search for the word \u201clove.\u201d The National Institutes of Health (NIH) is conducting 18 clinical trials on it (though, like love itself, NIH\u2019s \u201clove\u201d can have layered meanings, including as an acronym for a study of Crohn\u2019s disease). Though not normally considered an intestinal ailment, love is often described as an illness, and the smitten as lovesick. Comedian George Burns once described love as something like a backache: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t show up on X-rays, but you know it\u2019s there.\u201d","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>One database of scientific publications turns up more than 6,600 pages of results in a search for the word \u201clove.\u201d The National Institutes of Health (NIH) is conducting 18 clinical trials on it (though, like love itself, NIH\u2019s \u201clove\u201d can have layered meanings, including as an acronym for a study of Crohn\u2019s disease). Though not normally considered an intestinal ailment, love is often described as an illness, and the smitten as lovesick. Comedian George Burns once described love as something like a backache: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t show up on X-rays, but you know it\u2019s there.\u201d<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>One database of scientific publications turns up more than 6,600 pages of results in a search for the word \u201clove.\u201d The National Institutes of Health (NIH) is conducting 18 clinical trials on it (though, like love itself, NIH\u2019s \u201clove\u201d can have layered meanings, including as an acronym for a study of Crohn\u2019s disease). Though not normally considered an intestinal ailment, love is often described as an illness, and the smitten as lovesick. Comedian George Burns once described love as something like a backache: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t show up on X-rays, but you know it\u2019s there.\u201d<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>One database of scientific publications turns up more than 6,600 pages of results in a search for the word \u201clove.\u201d The National Institutes of Health (NIH) is conducting 18 clinical trials on it (though, like love itself, NIH\u2019s \u201clove\u201d can have layered meanings, including as an acronym for a study of Crohn\u2019s disease). Though not normally considered an intestinal ailment, love is often described as an illness, and the smitten as lovesick. Comedian George Burns once described love as something like a backache: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t show up on X-rays, but you know it\u2019s there.\u201d<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"<a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/biography\/richard-schwartz\">Richard Schwartz<\/a>, associate professor of psychiatry at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.hms.harvard.edu\/\">Harvard Medical School<\/a> (HMS) and a consultant to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/\">McLean<\/a> and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.massgeneral.org\/\">Massachusetts General<\/a> (MGH) hospitals, says it\u2019s never been proven that love makes you physically sick, though it does raise levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that has been shown to suppress immune function.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/biography\/richard-schwartz\">Richard Schwartz<\/a>, associate professor of psychiatry at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.hms.harvard.edu\/\">Harvard Medical School<\/a> (HMS) and a consultant to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/\">McLean<\/a> and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.massgeneral.org\/\">Massachusetts General<\/a> (MGH) hospitals, says it\u2019s never been proven that love makes you physically sick, though it does raise levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that has been shown to suppress immune function.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/biography\/richard-schwartz\">Richard Schwartz<\/a>, associate professor of psychiatry at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.hms.harvard.edu\/\">Harvard Medical School<\/a> (HMS) and a consultant to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/\">McLean<\/a> and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.massgeneral.org\/\">Massachusetts General<\/a> (MGH) hospitals, says it\u2019s never been proven that love makes you physically sick, though it does raise levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that has been shown to suppress immune function.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/biography\/richard-schwartz\">Richard Schwartz<\/a>, associate professor of psychiatry at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.hms.harvard.edu\/\">Harvard Medical School<\/a> (HMS) and a consultant to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/\">McLean<\/a> and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.massgeneral.org\/\">Massachusetts General<\/a> (MGH) hospitals, says it\u2019s never been proven that love makes you physically sick, though it does raise levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that has been shown to suppress immune function.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"Love also turns on the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is known to stimulate the brain\u2019s pleasure centers. Couple that with a drop in levels of serotonin \u2014 which adds a dash of obsession \u2014 and you have the crazy, pleasing, stupefied, urgent love of infatuation.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>Love also turns on the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is known to stimulate the brain\u2019s pleasure centers. Couple that with a drop in levels of serotonin \u2014 which adds a dash of obsession \u2014 and you have the crazy, pleasing, stupefied, urgent love of infatuation.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>Love also turns on the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is known to stimulate the brain\u2019s pleasure centers. Couple that with a drop in levels of serotonin \u2014 which adds a dash of obsession \u2014 and you have the crazy, pleasing, stupefied, urgent love of infatuation.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>Love also turns on the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is known to stimulate the brain\u2019s pleasure centers. Couple that with a drop in levels of serotonin \u2014 which adds a dash of obsession \u2014 and you have the crazy, pleasing, stupefied, urgent love of infatuation.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"It\u2019s also true, Schwartz said, that like the moon \u2014 a trigger of its own legendary form of madness \u2014 love has its phases.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>It\u2019s also true, Schwartz said, that like the moon \u2014 a trigger of its own legendary form of madness \u2014 love has its phases.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>It\u2019s also true, Schwartz said, that like the moon \u2014 a trigger of its own legendary form of madness \u2014 love has its phases.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>It\u2019s also true, Schwartz said, that like the moon \u2014 a trigger of its own legendary form of madness \u2014 love has its phases.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"\u201cIt\u2019s fairly complex, and we only know a little about it,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cThere are different phases and moods of love. The early phase of love is quite different\u201d from later phases.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s fairly complex, and we only know a little about it,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cThere are different phases and moods of love. The early phase of love is quite different\u201d from later phases.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s fairly complex, and we only know a little about it,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cThere are different phases and moods of love. The early phase of love is quite different\u201d from later phases.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s fairly complex, and we only know a little about it,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cThere are different phases and moods of love. The early phase of love is quite different\u201d from later phases.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"During the first love-year, serotonin levels gradually return to normal, and the \u201cstupid\u201d and \u201cobsessive\u201d aspects of the condition moderate. That period is followed by increases in the hormone oxytocin, a neurotransmitter associated with a calmer, more mature form of love. The oxytocin helps cement bonds, raise immune function, and begin to confer the health benefits found in married couples, who tend to live longer, have fewer strokes and heart attacks, be less depressed, and have higher survival rates from major surgery and cancer.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>During the first love-year, serotonin levels gradually return to normal, and the \u201cstupid\u201d and \u201cobsessive\u201d aspects of the condition moderate. That period is followed by increases in the hormone oxytocin, a neurotransmitter associated with a calmer, more mature form of love. The oxytocin helps cement bonds, raise immune function, and begin to confer the health benefits found in married couples, who tend to live longer, have fewer strokes and heart attacks, be less depressed, and have higher survival rates from major surgery and cancer.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>During the first love-year, serotonin levels gradually return to normal, and the \u201cstupid\u201d and \u201cobsessive\u201d aspects of the condition moderate. That period is followed by increases in the hormone oxytocin, a neurotransmitter associated with a calmer, more mature form of love. The oxytocin helps cement bonds, raise immune function, and begin to confer the health benefits found in married couples, who tend to live longer, have fewer strokes and heart attacks, be less depressed, and have higher survival rates from major surgery and cancer.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>During the first love-year, serotonin levels gradually return to normal, and the \u201cstupid\u201d and \u201cobsessive\u201d aspects of the condition moderate. That period is followed by increases in the hormone oxytocin, a neurotransmitter associated with a calmer, more mature form of love. The oxytocin helps cement bonds, raise immune function, and begin to confer the health benefits found in married couples, who tend to live longer, have fewer strokes and heart attacks, be less depressed, and have higher survival rates from major surgery and cancer.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"Schwartz has built a career around studying the love, hate, indifference, and other emotions that mark our complex relationships. And, though science is learning more in the lab than ever before, he said he still has learned far more counseling couples. His wife and sometime collaborator, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/biography\/jacqueline-olds\">Jacqueline Olds<\/a>, also an associate professor of psychiatry at HMS and a consultant to McLean and MGH, agrees.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>Schwartz has built a career around studying the love, hate, indifference, and other emotions that mark our complex relationships. And, though science is learning more in the lab than ever before, he said he still has learned far more counseling couples. His wife and sometime collaborator, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/biography\/jacqueline-olds\">Jacqueline Olds<\/a>, also an associate professor of psychiatry at HMS and a consultant to McLean and MGH, agrees.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>Schwartz has built a career around studying the love, hate, indifference, and other emotions that mark our complex relationships. And, though science is learning more in the lab than ever before, he said he still has learned far more counseling couples. His wife and sometime collaborator, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/biography\/jacqueline-olds\">Jacqueline Olds<\/a>, also an associate professor of psychiatry at HMS and a consultant to McLean and MGH, agrees.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>Schwartz has built a career around studying the love, hate, indifference, and other emotions that mark our complex relationships. And, though science is learning more in the lab than ever before, he said he still has learned far more counseling couples. His wife and sometime collaborator, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/biography\/jacqueline-olds\">Jacqueline Olds<\/a>, also an associate professor of psychiatry at HMS and a consultant to McLean and MGH, agrees.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/image","attrs":{"id":236826,"sizeSlug":"full","align":"wide","className":"is-resized","creditText":"Stephanie Mitchell\/Harvard Staff Photographer","blob":"","url":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/012218_love_051_2500.jpg","alt":"","caption":"Spouses Richard Schwartz and Jacqueline Olds, both associate professors of psychiatry, have collaborated on a book about marriage.\t\t\t","lightbox":[],"title":"","href":"","rel":"","linkClass":"","width":"","height":"","aspectRatio":"","scale":"","linkDestination":"","linkTarget":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"style":[],"borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignwide size-full is-resized\"><img src=\"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/012218_love_051_2500.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-236826\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Spouses Richard Schwartz and Jacqueline Olds, both associate professors of psychiatry, have collaborated on a book about marriage.\t\t\t<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","innerContent":["\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignwide size-full is-resized\"><img src=\"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/012218_love_051_2500.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-236826\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Spouses Richard Schwartz and Jacqueline Olds, both associate professors of psychiatry, have collaborated on a book about marriage.\t\t\t<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n"],"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignwide size-full is-resized\"><img src=\"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/012218_love_051_2500.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-236826\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><p class=\"wp-element-caption--caption\">Spouses Richard Schwartz and Jacqueline Olds, both associate professors of psychiatry, have collaborated on a book about marriage.\t\t\t<\/p><p class=\"wp-element-caption--credit\">Stephanie Mitchell\/Harvard Staff Photographer<\/p><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/heading","attrs":{"textAlign":"","content":"<strong>More knowledge, but struggling to understand<\/strong>","level":2,"levelOptions":[],"placeholder":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"align":"","className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-more-knowledge-but-struggling-to-understand\"><strong>More knowledge, but struggling to understand<\/strong><\/h2>\n","innerContent":["\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-more-knowledge-but-struggling-to-understand\"><strong>More knowledge, but struggling to understand<\/strong><\/h2>\n"],"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-more-knowledge-but-struggling-to-understand\"><strong>More knowledge, but struggling to understand<\/strong><\/h2>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"\u201cI think we know a lot more scientifically about love and the brain than we did a couple of decades ago, but I don\u2019t think it tells us very much that we didn\u2019t already know about love,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cIt\u2019s kind of interesting, it\u2019s kind of fun [to study]. But do we think that makes us better at love, or helping people with love? Probably not much.\u201d","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>\u201cI think we know a lot more scientifically about love and the brain than we did a couple of decades ago, but I don\u2019t think it tells us very much that we didn\u2019t already know about love,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cIt\u2019s kind of interesting, it\u2019s kind of fun [to study]. But do we think that makes us better at love, or helping people with love? Probably not much.\u201d<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>\u201cI think we know a lot more scientifically about love and the brain than we did a couple of decades ago, but I don\u2019t think it tells us very much that we didn\u2019t already know about love,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cIt\u2019s kind of interesting, it\u2019s kind of fun [to study]. But do we think that makes us better at love, or helping people with love? Probably not much.\u201d<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>\u201cI think we know a lot more scientifically about love and the brain than we did a couple of decades ago, but I don\u2019t think it tells us very much that we didn\u2019t already know about love,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cIt\u2019s kind of interesting, it\u2019s kind of fun [to study]. But do we think that makes us better at love, or helping people with love? Probably not much.\u201d<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"Love and companionship have made indelible marks on Schwartz and Olds. Though they have separate careers, they\u2019re separate together, working from discrete offices across the hall from each other in their stately Cambridge home. Each has a professional practice and independently trains psychiatry students, but they\u2019ve also collaborated on two books about loneliness and one on marriage. Their own union has lasted 39 years, and they raised two children.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>Love and companionship have made indelible marks on Schwartz and Olds. Though they have separate careers, they\u2019re separate together, working from discrete offices across the hall from each other in their stately Cambridge home. Each has a professional practice and independently trains psychiatry students, but they\u2019ve also collaborated on two books about loneliness and one on marriage. Their own union has lasted 39 years, and they raised two children.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>Love and companionship have made indelible marks on Schwartz and Olds. Though they have separate careers, they\u2019re separate together, working from discrete offices across the hall from each other in their stately Cambridge home. Each has a professional practice and independently trains psychiatry students, but they\u2019ve also collaborated on two books about loneliness and one on marriage. Their own union has lasted 39 years, and they raised two children.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>Love and companionship have made indelible marks on Schwartz and Olds. Though they have separate careers, they\u2019re separate together, working from discrete offices across the hall from each other in their stately Cambridge home. Each has a professional practice and independently trains psychiatry students, but they\u2019ve also collaborated on two books about loneliness and one on marriage. Their own union has lasted 39 years, and they raised two children.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/quote","attrs":{"value":"<cite>Richard Schwartz, associate professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School<\/cite>","citation":"Richard Schwartz, associate professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School","textAlign":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"align":"","className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","layout":[],"anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"\u201cI think we know a lot more scientifically about love and the brain than we did a couple of decades ago ... But do we think that makes us better at love, or helping people with love? Probably not much.\u201d","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>\u201cI think we know a lot more scientifically about love and the brain than we did a couple of decades ago ... But do we think that makes us better at love, or helping people with love? Probably not much.\u201d<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>\u201cI think we know a lot more scientifically about love and the brain than we did a couple of decades ago ... But do we think that makes us better at love, or helping people with love? Probably not much.\u201d<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>\u201cI think we know a lot more scientifically about love and the brain than we did a couple of decades ago ... But do we think that makes us better at love, or helping people with love? Probably not much.\u201d<\/p>\n"}],"innerHTML":"\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\"><cite>Richard Schwartz, associate professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n","innerContent":["\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\">","<cite>Richard Schwartz, associate professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n"],"rendered":"\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>\u201cI think we know a lot more scientifically about love and the brain than we did a couple of decades ago ... But do we think that makes us better at love, or helping people with love? Probably not much.\u201d<\/p>\n<cite>Richard Schwartz, associate professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"\u201cI have learned much more from doing couples therapy, and being in a couple\u2019s relationship\u201d than from science, Olds said. \u201cBut every now and again, something like the fMRI or chemical studies can help you make the point better. If you say to somebody, \u2018I think you\u2019re doing this, and it\u2019s terrible for a relationship,\u2019 they may not pay attention. If you say, \u2018It\u2019s corrosive, and it\u2019s causing your cortisol to go way up,\u2019 then they really sit up and listen.\u201d","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>\u201cI have learned much more from doing couples therapy, and being in a couple\u2019s relationship\u201d than from science, Olds said. \u201cBut every now and again, something like the fMRI or chemical studies can help you make the point better. If you say to somebody, \u2018I think you\u2019re doing this, and it\u2019s terrible for a relationship,\u2019 they may not pay attention. If you say, \u2018It\u2019s corrosive, and it\u2019s causing your cortisol to go way up,\u2019 then they really sit up and listen.\u201d<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>\u201cI have learned much more from doing couples therapy, and being in a couple\u2019s relationship\u201d than from science, Olds said. \u201cBut every now and again, something like the fMRI or chemical studies can help you make the point better. If you say to somebody, \u2018I think you\u2019re doing this, and it\u2019s terrible for a relationship,\u2019 they may not pay attention. If you say, \u2018It\u2019s corrosive, and it\u2019s causing your cortisol to go way up,\u2019 then they really sit up and listen.\u201d<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>\u201cI have learned much more from doing couples therapy, and being in a couple\u2019s relationship\u201d than from science, Olds said. \u201cBut every now and again, something like the fMRI or chemical studies can help you make the point better. If you say to somebody, \u2018I think you\u2019re doing this, and it\u2019s terrible for a relationship,\u2019 they may not pay attention. If you say, \u2018It\u2019s corrosive, and it\u2019s causing your cortisol to go way up,\u2019 then they really sit up and listen.\u201d<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"A side benefit is that examining other couples\u2019 trials and tribulations has helped their own relationship over the inevitable rocky bumps, Olds said.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>A side benefit is that examining other couples\u2019 trials and tribulations has helped their own relationship over the inevitable rocky bumps, Olds said.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>A side benefit is that examining other couples\u2019 trials and tribulations has helped their own relationship over the inevitable rocky bumps, Olds said.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>A side benefit is that examining other couples\u2019 trials and tribulations has helped their own relationship over the inevitable rocky bumps, Olds said.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"\u201cTo some extent, being a psychiatrist allows you a privileged window into other people\u2019s triumphs and mistakes,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd because you get to learn from them as they learn from you, when you work with somebody 10 years older than you, you learn what mistakes 10 years down the line might be.\u201d","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>\u201cTo some extent, being a psychiatrist allows you a privileged window into other people\u2019s triumphs and mistakes,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd because you get to learn from them as they learn from you, when you work with somebody 10 years older than you, you learn what mistakes 10 years down the line might be.\u201d<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>\u201cTo some extent, being a psychiatrist allows you a privileged window into other people\u2019s triumphs and mistakes,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd because you get to learn from them as they learn from you, when you work with somebody 10 years older than you, you learn what mistakes 10 years down the line might be.\u201d<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>\u201cTo some extent, being a psychiatrist allows you a privileged window into other people\u2019s triumphs and mistakes,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd because you get to learn from them as they learn from you, when you work with somebody 10 years older than you, you learn what mistakes 10 years down the line might be.\u201d<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"People have written for centuries about love shifting from passionate to companionate, something Schwartz called \u201cboth a good and a sad thing.\u201d Different couples experience that shift differently. While the passion fades for some, others keep its flames burning, while still others are able to rekindle the fires.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>People have written for centuries about love shifting from passionate to companionate, something Schwartz called \u201cboth a good and a sad thing.\u201d Different couples experience that shift differently. While the passion fades for some, others keep its flames burning, while still others are able to rekindle the fires.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>People have written for centuries about love shifting from passionate to companionate, something Schwartz called \u201cboth a good and a sad thing.\u201d Different couples experience that shift differently. While the passion fades for some, others keep its flames burning, while still others are able to rekindle the fires.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>People have written for centuries about love shifting from passionate to companionate, something Schwartz called \u201cboth a good and a sad thing.\u201d Different couples experience that shift differently. While the passion fades for some, others keep its flames burning, while still others are able to rekindle the fires.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"\u201cYou have a tidal-like motion of closeness and drifting apart, closeness and drifting apart,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd you have to have one person have a \u2018distance alarm\u2019 to notice the drifting apart so there can be a reconnection \u2026 One could say that in the couples who are most successful at keeping their relationship alive over the years, there\u2019s an element of companionate love and an element of passionate love. And those each get reawakened in that drifting back and forth, the ebb and flow of lasting relationships.\u201d","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>\u201cYou have a tidal-like motion of closeness and drifting apart, closeness and drifting apart,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd you have to have one person have a \u2018distance alarm\u2019 to notice the drifting apart so there can be a reconnection \u2026 One could say that in the couples who are most successful at keeping their relationship alive over the years, there\u2019s an element of companionate love and an element of passionate love. And those each get reawakened in that drifting back and forth, the ebb and flow of lasting relationships.\u201d<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>\u201cYou have a tidal-like motion of closeness and drifting apart, closeness and drifting apart,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd you have to have one person have a \u2018distance alarm\u2019 to notice the drifting apart so there can be a reconnection \u2026 One could say that in the couples who are most successful at keeping their relationship alive over the years, there\u2019s an element of companionate love and an element of passionate love. And those each get reawakened in that drifting back and forth, the ebb and flow of lasting relationships.\u201d<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>\u201cYou have a tidal-like motion of closeness and drifting apart, closeness and drifting apart,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd you have to have one person have a \u2018distance alarm\u2019 to notice the drifting apart so there can be a reconnection \u2026 One could say that in the couples who are most successful at keeping their relationship alive over the years, there\u2019s an element of companionate love and an element of passionate love. And those each get reawakened in that drifting back and forth, the ebb and flow of lasting relationships.\u201d<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/heading","attrs":{"textAlign":"","content":"<strong>Children as the biggest stressor<\/strong>","level":2,"levelOptions":[],"placeholder":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"align":"","className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Children as the biggest stressor<\/strong><\/h2>\n","innerContent":["\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Children as the biggest stressor<\/strong><\/h2>\n"],"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Children as the biggest stressor<\/strong><\/h2>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"Children remain the biggest stressor on relationships, Olds said, adding that it seems a particular problem these days. Young parents feel pressure to raise kids perfectly, even at the risk of their own relationships. Kids are a constant presence for parents. The days when child care consisted of the instruction \u201cGo play outside\u201d while mom and dad reconnected over cocktails are largely gone.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>Children remain the biggest stressor on relationships, Olds said, adding that it seems a particular problem these days. Young parents feel pressure to raise kids perfectly, even at the risk of their own relationships. Kids are a constant presence for parents. The days when child care consisted of the instruction \u201cGo play outside\u201d while mom and dad reconnected over cocktails are largely gone.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>Children remain the biggest stressor on relationships, Olds said, adding that it seems a particular problem these days. Young parents feel pressure to raise kids perfectly, even at the risk of their own relationships. Kids are a constant presence for parents. The days when child care consisted of the instruction \u201cGo play outside\u201d while mom and dad reconnected over cocktails are largely gone.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>Children remain the biggest stressor on relationships, Olds said, adding that it seems a particular problem these days. Young parents feel pressure to raise kids perfectly, even at the risk of their own relationships. Kids are a constant presence for parents. The days when child care consisted of the instruction \u201cGo play outside\u201d while mom and dad reconnected over cocktails are largely gone.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"When not hovering over children, America\u2019s workaholic culture, coupled with technology\u2019s 24\/7 intrusiveness, can make it hard for partners to pay attention to each other in the evenings and even on weekends. It is a problem that Olds sees even in environments that ought to know better, such as psychiatry residency programs.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>When not hovering over children, America\u2019s workaholic culture, coupled with technology\u2019s 24\/7 intrusiveness, can make it hard for partners to pay attention to each other in the evenings and even on weekends. It is a problem that Olds sees even in environments that ought to know better, such as psychiatry residency programs.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>When not hovering over children, America\u2019s workaholic culture, coupled with technology\u2019s 24\/7 intrusiveness, can make it hard for partners to pay attention to each other in the evenings and even on weekends. It is a problem that Olds sees even in environments that ought to know better, such as psychiatry residency programs.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>When not hovering over children, America\u2019s workaholic culture, coupled with technology\u2019s 24\/7 intrusiveness, can make it hard for partners to pay attention to each other in the evenings and even on weekends. It is a problem that Olds sees even in environments that ought to know better, such as psychiatry residency programs.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"\u201cThere are all these sweet young doctors who are trying to have families while they\u2019re in residency,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd the residencies work them so hard there\u2019s barely time for their relationship or having children or taking care of children. So, we\u2019re always trying to balance the fact that, in psychiatry, we stand for psychological good health, but [in] the residency we run, sometimes we don\u2019t practice everything we preach.\u201d","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>\u201cThere are all these sweet young doctors who are trying to have families while they\u2019re in residency,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd the residencies work them so hard there\u2019s barely time for their relationship or having children or taking care of children. So, we\u2019re always trying to balance the fact that, in psychiatry, we stand for psychological good health, but [in] the residency we run, sometimes we don\u2019t practice everything we preach.\u201d<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>\u201cThere are all these sweet young doctors who are trying to have families while they\u2019re in residency,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd the residencies work them so hard there\u2019s barely time for their relationship or having children or taking care of children. So, we\u2019re always trying to balance the fact that, in psychiatry, we stand for psychological good health, but [in] the residency we run, sometimes we don\u2019t practice everything we preach.\u201d<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>\u201cThere are all these sweet young doctors who are trying to have families while they\u2019re in residency,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd the residencies work them so hard there\u2019s barely time for their relationship or having children or taking care of children. So, we\u2019re always trying to balance the fact that, in psychiatry, we stand for psychological good health, but [in] the residency we run, sometimes we don\u2019t practice everything we preach.\u201d<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/quote","attrs":{"value":"<cite>Jacqueline Olds, associate professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School<\/cite>","citation":"Jacqueline Olds, associate professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School","textAlign":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"align":"","className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","layout":[],"anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"\u201cThere is too much pressure ... on what a romantic partner should be. They should be your best friend, they should be your lover, they should be your closest relative, they should be your work partner, they should be the co-parent, your athletic partner. ... Of course everybody isn\u2019t able to quite live up to it.\u201d","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>\u201cThere is too much pressure ... on what a romantic partner should be. They should be your best friend, they should be your lover, they should be your closest relative, they should be your work partner, they should be the co-parent, your athletic partner. ... Of course everybody isn\u2019t able to quite live up to it.\u201d<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>\u201cThere is too much pressure ... on what a romantic partner should be. They should be your best friend, they should be your lover, they should be your closest relative, they should be your work partner, they should be the co-parent, your athletic partner. ... Of course everybody isn\u2019t able to quite live up to it.\u201d<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>\u201cThere is too much pressure ... on what a romantic partner should be. They should be your best friend, they should be your lover, they should be your closest relative, they should be your work partner, they should be the co-parent, your athletic partner. ... Of course everybody isn\u2019t able to quite live up to it.\u201d<\/p>\n"}],"innerHTML":"\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\"><cite>Jacqueline Olds, associate professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n","innerContent":["\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\">","<cite>Jacqueline Olds, associate professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n"],"rendered":"\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>\u201cThere is too much pressure ... on what a romantic partner should be. They should be your best friend, they should be your lover, they should be your closest relative, they should be your work partner, they should be the co-parent, your athletic partner. ... Of course everybody isn\u2019t able to quite live up to it.\u201d<\/p>\n<cite>Jacqueline Olds, associate professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"All this busy-ness has affected non-romantic relationships too, which has a ripple effect on the romantic ones, Olds said. A respected national social survey has shown that in recent years people have gone from having three close friends to two, with one of those their romantic partner.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>All this busy-ness has affected non-romantic relationships too, which has a ripple effect on the romantic ones, Olds said. A respected national social survey has shown that in recent years people have gone from having three close friends to two, with one of those their romantic partner.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>All this busy-ness has affected non-romantic relationships too, which has a ripple effect on the romantic ones, Olds said. A respected national social survey has shown that in recent years people have gone from having three close friends to two, with one of those their romantic partner.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>All this busy-ness has affected non-romantic relationships too, which has a ripple effect on the romantic ones, Olds said. A respected national social survey has shown that in recent years people have gone from having three close friends to two, with one of those their romantic partner.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"\u201cOften when you scratch the surface \u2026 the second [friend] lives 3,000 miles away, and you can\u2019t talk to them on the phone because they\u2019re on a different time schedule,\u201d Olds said. \u201cThere is too much pressure, from my point of view, on what a romantic partner should be. They should be your best friend, they should be your lover, they should be your closest relative, they should be your work partner, they should be the co-parent, your athletic partner. There\u2019s just so much pressure on the role of spouse that of course everybody isn\u2019t able to quite live up to it.\u201d","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>\u201cOften when you scratch the surface \u2026 the second [friend] lives 3,000 miles away, and you can\u2019t talk to them on the phone because they\u2019re on a different time schedule,\u201d Olds said. \u201cThere is too much pressure, from my point of view, on what a romantic partner should be. They should be your best friend, they should be your lover, they should be your closest relative, they should be your work partner, they should be the co-parent, your athletic partner. There\u2019s just so much pressure on the role of spouse that of course everybody isn\u2019t able to quite live up to it.\u201d<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>\u201cOften when you scratch the surface \u2026 the second [friend] lives 3,000 miles away, and you can\u2019t talk to them on the phone because they\u2019re on a different time schedule,\u201d Olds said. \u201cThere is too much pressure, from my point of view, on what a romantic partner should be. They should be your best friend, they should be your lover, they should be your closest relative, they should be your work partner, they should be the co-parent, your athletic partner. There\u2019s just so much pressure on the role of spouse that of course everybody isn\u2019t able to quite live up to it.\u201d<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>\u201cOften when you scratch the surface \u2026 the second [friend] lives 3,000 miles away, and you can\u2019t talk to them on the phone because they\u2019re on a different time schedule,\u201d Olds said. \u201cThere is too much pressure, from my point of view, on what a romantic partner should be. They should be your best friend, they should be your lover, they should be your closest relative, they should be your work partner, they should be the co-parent, your athletic partner. There\u2019s just so much pressure on the role of spouse that of course everybody isn\u2019t able to quite live up to it.\u201d<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"Since the rising challenges of modern life aren\u2019t going to change soon, Schwartz and Olds said couples should try to adopt ways to fortify their relationships for life\u2019s long haul. For instance, couples benefit from shared goals and activities, which will help pull them along a shared life path, Schwartz said.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>Since the rising challenges of modern life aren\u2019t going to change soon, Schwartz and Olds said couples should try to adopt ways to fortify their relationships for life\u2019s long haul. For instance, couples benefit from shared goals and activities, which will help pull them along a shared life path, Schwartz said.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>Since the rising challenges of modern life aren\u2019t going to change soon, Schwartz and Olds said couples should try to adopt ways to fortify their relationships for life\u2019s long haul. For instance, couples benefit from shared goals and activities, which will help pull them along a shared life path, Schwartz said.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>Since the rising challenges of modern life aren\u2019t going to change soon, Schwartz and Olds said couples should try to adopt ways to fortify their relationships for life\u2019s long haul. For instance, couples benefit from shared goals and activities, which will help pull them along a shared life path, Schwartz said.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"\u201cYou\u2019re not going to get to 40 years by gazing into each other\u2019s eyes,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cI think the fact that we\u2019ve worked on things together has woven us together more, in good ways.\u201d","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re not going to get to 40 years by gazing into each other\u2019s eyes,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cI think the fact that we\u2019ve worked on things together has woven us together more, in good ways.\u201d<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re not going to get to 40 years by gazing into each other\u2019s eyes,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cI think the fact that we\u2019ve worked on things together has woven us together more, in good ways.\u201d<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re not going to get to 40 years by gazing into each other\u2019s eyes,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cI think the fact that we\u2019ve worked on things together has woven us together more, in good ways.\u201d<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/heading","attrs":{"textAlign":"","content":"<strong>Maintain curiosity about your partner<\/strong>","level":2,"levelOptions":[],"placeholder":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"align":"","className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Maintain curiosity about your partner<\/strong><\/h2>\n","innerContent":["\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Maintain curiosity about your partner<\/strong><\/h2>\n"],"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Maintain curiosity about your partner<\/strong><\/h2>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"Also important is retaining a genuine sense of curiosity about your partner, fostered both by time apart to have separate experiences, and by time together, just as a couple, to share those experiences. Schwartz cited a study by Robert Waldinger, clinical professor of psychiatry at MGH and HMS, in which couples watched videos of themselves arguing. Afterwards, each person was asked what the partner was thinking. The longer they had been together, the worse they actually were at guessing, in part because they thought they already knew.","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>Also important is retaining a genuine sense of curiosity about your partner, fostered both by time apart to have separate experiences, and by time together, just as a couple, to share those experiences. Schwartz cited a study by Robert Waldinger, clinical professor of psychiatry at MGH and HMS, in which couples watched videos of themselves arguing. Afterwards, each person was asked what the partner was thinking. The longer they had been together, the worse they actually were at guessing, in part because they thought they already knew.<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>Also important is retaining a genuine sense of curiosity about your partner, fostered both by time apart to have separate experiences, and by time together, just as a couple, to share those experiences. Schwartz cited a study by Robert Waldinger, clinical professor of psychiatry at MGH and HMS, in which couples watched videos of themselves arguing. Afterwards, each person was asked what the partner was thinking. The longer they had been together, the worse they actually were at guessing, in part because they thought they already knew.<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>Also important is retaining a genuine sense of curiosity about your partner, fostered both by time apart to have separate experiences, and by time together, just as a couple, to share those experiences. Schwartz cited a study by Robert Waldinger, clinical professor of psychiatry at MGH and HMS, in which couples watched videos of themselves arguing. Afterwards, each person was asked what the partner was thinking. The longer they had been together, the worse they actually were at guessing, in part because they thought they already knew.<\/p>\n"},{"blockName":"core\/paragraph","attrs":{"align":"","content":"\u201cWhat keeps love alive is being able to recognize that you don\u2019t really know your partner perfectly and still being curious and still be exploring,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cWhich means, in addition to being sure you have enough time and involvement with each other \u2014 that that time isn\u2019t stolen \u2014 making sure you have enough separateness that you can be an object of curiosity for the other person.\u201d","dropCap":false,"placeholder":"","direction":"","lock":[],"metadata":[],"className":"","style":[],"backgroundColor":"","textColor":"","gradient":"","fontSize":"","fontFamily":"","borderColor":"","anchor":""},"innerBlocks":[],"innerHTML":"\n<p>\u201cWhat keeps love alive is being able to recognize that you don\u2019t really know your partner perfectly and still being curious and still be exploring,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cWhich means, in addition to being sure you have enough time and involvement with each other \u2014 that that time isn\u2019t stolen \u2014 making sure you have enough separateness that you can be an object of curiosity for the other person.\u201d<\/p>\n","innerContent":["\n<p>\u201cWhat keeps love alive is being able to recognize that you don\u2019t really know your partner perfectly and still being curious and still be exploring,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cWhich means, in addition to being sure you have enough time and involvement with each other \u2014 that that time isn\u2019t stolen \u2014 making sure you have enough separateness that you can be an object of curiosity for the other person.\u201d<\/p>\n"],"rendered":"\n<p>\u201cWhat keeps love alive is being able to recognize that you don\u2019t really know your partner perfectly and still being curious and still be exploring,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cWhich means, in addition to being sure you have enough time and involvement with each other \u2014 that that time isn\u2019t stolen \u2014 making sure you have enough separateness that you can be an object of curiosity for the other person.\u201d<\/p>\n"}],"innerHTML":"\n<div class=\"wp-block-group alignwide\">\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n<\/div>\n","innerContent":["\n<div class=\"wp-block-group alignwide\">","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","\n\n","<\/div>\n"],"rendered":"\n<div class=\"wp-block-group alignwide has-global-padding is-content-justification-center is-layout-constrained wp-block-group-is-layout-constrained\">\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><em>\u201cThey gave each other a smile with a future in it.\u201d <\/em><br>\n<em>\u2014 Ring Lardner<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Love\u2019s warm squishiness seems a thing far removed from the cold, hard reality of science. Yet the two do meet, whether in lab tests for surging hormones or in austere chambers where MRI scanners noisily thunk and peer into brains that ignite at glimpses of their soulmates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When it comes to thinking deeply about love, poets, philosophers, and even high school boys gazing dreamily at girls two rows over have a significant head start on science. But the field is gamely racing to catch up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One database of scientific publications turns up more than 6,600 pages of results in a search for the word \u201clove.\u201d The National Institutes of Health (NIH) is conducting 18 clinical trials on it (though, like love itself, NIH\u2019s \u201clove\u201d can have layered meanings, including as an acronym for a study of Crohn\u2019s disease). Though not normally considered an intestinal ailment, love is often described as an illness, and the smitten as lovesick. Comedian George Burns once described love as something like a backache: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t show up on X-rays, but you know it\u2019s there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/biography\/richard-schwartz\">Richard Schwartz<\/a>, associate professor of psychiatry at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.hms.harvard.edu\/\">Harvard Medical School<\/a> (HMS) and a consultant to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/\">McLean<\/a> and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.massgeneral.org\/\">Massachusetts General<\/a> (MGH) hospitals, says it\u2019s never been proven that love makes you physically sick, though it does raise levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that has been shown to suppress immune function.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Love also turns on the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is known to stimulate the brain\u2019s pleasure centers. Couple that with a drop in levels of serotonin \u2014 which adds a dash of obsession \u2014 and you have the crazy, pleasing, stupefied, urgent love of infatuation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s also true, Schwartz said, that like the moon \u2014 a trigger of its own legendary form of madness \u2014 love has its phases.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s fairly complex, and we only know a little about it,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cThere are different phases and moods of love. The early phase of love is quite different\u201d from later phases.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>During the first love-year, serotonin levels gradually return to normal, and the \u201cstupid\u201d and \u201cobsessive\u201d aspects of the condition moderate. That period is followed by increases in the hormone oxytocin, a neurotransmitter associated with a calmer, more mature form of love. The oxytocin helps cement bonds, raise immune function, and begin to confer the health benefits found in married couples, who tend to live longer, have fewer strokes and heart attacks, be less depressed, and have higher survival rates from major surgery and cancer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Schwartz has built a career around studying the love, hate, indifference, and other emotions that mark our complex relationships. And, though science is learning more in the lab than ever before, he said he still has learned far more counseling couples. His wife and sometime collaborator, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.mcleanhospital.org\/biography\/jacqueline-olds\">Jacqueline Olds<\/a>, also an associate professor of psychiatry at HMS and a consultant to McLean and MGH, agrees.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image alignwide size-full is-resized\"><img src=\"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/012218_love_051_2500.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-236826\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><p class=\"wp-element-caption--caption\">Spouses Richard Schwartz and Jacqueline Olds, both associate professors of psychiatry, have collaborated on a book about marriage.\t\t\t<\/p><p class=\"wp-element-caption--credit\">Stephanie Mitchell\/Harvard Staff Photographer<\/p><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-more-knowledge-but-struggling-to-understand\"><strong>More knowledge, but struggling to understand<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI think we know a lot more scientifically about love and the brain than we did a couple of decades ago, but I don\u2019t think it tells us very much that we didn\u2019t already know about love,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cIt\u2019s kind of interesting, it\u2019s kind of fun [to study]. But do we think that makes us better at love, or helping people with love? Probably not much.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Love and companionship have made indelible marks on Schwartz and Olds. Though they have separate careers, they\u2019re separate together, working from discrete offices across the hall from each other in their stately Cambridge home. Each has a professional practice and independently trains psychiatry students, but they\u2019ve also collaborated on two books about loneliness and one on marriage. Their own union has lasted 39 years, and they raised two children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>\u201cI think we know a lot more scientifically about love and the brain than we did a couple of decades ago ... But do we think that makes us better at love, or helping people with love? Probably not much.\u201d<\/p>\n<cite>Richard Schwartz, associate professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI have learned much more from doing couples therapy, and being in a couple\u2019s relationship\u201d than from science, Olds said. \u201cBut every now and again, something like the fMRI or chemical studies can help you make the point better. If you say to somebody, \u2018I think you\u2019re doing this, and it\u2019s terrible for a relationship,\u2019 they may not pay attention. If you say, \u2018It\u2019s corrosive, and it\u2019s causing your cortisol to go way up,\u2019 then they really sit up and listen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A side benefit is that examining other couples\u2019 trials and tribulations has helped their own relationship over the inevitable rocky bumps, Olds said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cTo some extent, being a psychiatrist allows you a privileged window into other people\u2019s triumphs and mistakes,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd because you get to learn from them as they learn from you, when you work with somebody 10 years older than you, you learn what mistakes 10 years down the line might be.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>People have written for centuries about love shifting from passionate to companionate, something Schwartz called \u201cboth a good and a sad thing.\u201d Different couples experience that shift differently. While the passion fades for some, others keep its flames burning, while still others are able to rekindle the fires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou have a tidal-like motion of closeness and drifting apart, closeness and drifting apart,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd you have to have one person have a \u2018distance alarm\u2019 to notice the drifting apart so there can be a reconnection \u2026 One could say that in the couples who are most successful at keeping their relationship alive over the years, there\u2019s an element of companionate love and an element of passionate love. And those each get reawakened in that drifting back and forth, the ebb and flow of lasting relationships.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Children as the biggest stressor<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Children remain the biggest stressor on relationships, Olds said, adding that it seems a particular problem these days. Young parents feel pressure to raise kids perfectly, even at the risk of their own relationships. Kids are a constant presence for parents. The days when child care consisted of the instruction \u201cGo play outside\u201d while mom and dad reconnected over cocktails are largely gone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When not hovering over children, America\u2019s workaholic culture, coupled with technology\u2019s 24\/7 intrusiveness, can make it hard for partners to pay attention to each other in the evenings and even on weekends. It is a problem that Olds sees even in environments that ought to know better, such as psychiatry residency programs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThere are all these sweet young doctors who are trying to have families while they\u2019re in residency,\u201d Olds said. \u201cAnd the residencies work them so hard there\u2019s barely time for their relationship or having children or taking care of children. So, we\u2019re always trying to balance the fact that, in psychiatry, we stand for psychological good health, but [in] the residency we run, sometimes we don\u2019t practice everything we preach.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>\u201cThere is too much pressure ... on what a romantic partner should be. They should be your best friend, they should be your lover, they should be your closest relative, they should be your work partner, they should be the co-parent, your athletic partner. ... Of course everybody isn\u2019t able to quite live up to it.\u201d<\/p>\n<cite>Jacqueline Olds, associate professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>All this busy-ness has affected non-romantic relationships too, which has a ripple effect on the romantic ones, Olds said. A respected national social survey has shown that in recent years people have gone from having three close friends to two, with one of those their romantic partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cOften when you scratch the surface \u2026 the second [friend] lives 3,000 miles away, and you can\u2019t talk to them on the phone because they\u2019re on a different time schedule,\u201d Olds said. \u201cThere is too much pressure, from my point of view, on what a romantic partner should be. They should be your best friend, they should be your lover, they should be your closest relative, they should be your work partner, they should be the co-parent, your athletic partner. There\u2019s just so much pressure on the role of spouse that of course everybody isn\u2019t able to quite live up to it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Since the rising challenges of modern life aren\u2019t going to change soon, Schwartz and Olds said couples should try to adopt ways to fortify their relationships for life\u2019s long haul. For instance, couples benefit from shared goals and activities, which will help pull them along a shared life path, Schwartz said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re not going to get to 40 years by gazing into each other\u2019s eyes,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cI think the fact that we\u2019ve worked on things together has woven us together more, in good ways.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Maintain curiosity about your partner<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Also important is retaining a genuine sense of curiosity about your partner, fostered both by time apart to have separate experiences, and by time together, just as a couple, to share those experiences. Schwartz cited a study by Robert Waldinger, clinical professor of psychiatry at MGH and HMS, in which couples watched videos of themselves arguing. Afterwards, each person was asked what the partner was thinking. The longer they had been together, the worse they actually were at guessing, in part because they thought they already knew.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhat keeps love alive is being able to recognize that you don\u2019t really know your partner perfectly and still being curious and still be exploring,\u201d Schwartz said. \u201cWhich means, in addition to being sure you have enough time and involvement with each other \u2014 that that time isn\u2019t stolen \u2014 making sure you have enough separateness that you can be an object of curiosity for the other person.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n"}},"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":314912,"url":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/story\/2020\/10\/couples-share-heart-disease-risk-factors-and-behaviors\/","url_meta":{"origin":236825,"position":0},"title":"An unhealthy influencer","author":"Lian Parsons","date":"October 26, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Risk factors for heart health, such as smoking, unhealthy diets and minimal physical activity, may seem personal, but for people who are married or in a domestic partnership, the behavior patterns of one person may be strongly linked to the patterns of the other.","rel":"","context":"In "Health"","block_context":{"text":"Health","link":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/section\/health\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Couple drinking and smoking.","src":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/matt-seymour-Lighter-unsplash.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/matt-seymour-Lighter-unsplash.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/matt-seymour-Lighter-unsplash.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/matt-seymour-Lighter-unsplash.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":320192,"url":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/story\/2021\/02\/taking-a-scholarly-look-at-race-and-romance\/","url_meta":{"origin":236825,"position":1},"title":"Guess who\u2019s coming to dinner","author":"Lian Parsons","date":"February 11, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Marya T. Mtshali spoke to the Gazette about the long history of American fears of racial mixing, the importance of decentering whiteness in discussions of race and relationships, and why we should value love as a scholarly subject.","rel":"","context":"In "Nation & World"","block_context":{"text":"Nation & World","link":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/section\/nation-world\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Marya T. Mtshali","src":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/020821_Mtshali_Marya_03.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/020821_Mtshali_Marya_03.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/020821_Mtshali_Marya_03.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/020821_Mtshali_Marya_03.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":179470,"url":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/story\/2016\/02\/love-in-the-crosshairs\/","url_meta":{"origin":236825,"position":2},"title":"Love in the crosshairs","author":"harvardgazette","date":"February 11, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"A panel of marriage counselors and negotiators tells an audience of Harvard Law students how to use negotiation skills in their romantic relationships.","rel":"","context":"In "Science & Tech"","block_context":{"text":"Science & Tech","link":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/section\/science-technology\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/021116_love_249_605.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/021116_love_249_605.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/021116_love_249_605.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":164239,"url":"https:\/\/news.harvard.edu\/gazette\/story\/2014\/12\/new-parents-weigh-in-on-genomic-testing\/","url_meta":{"origin":236825,"position":3},"title":"New parents weigh in on genomic testing","author":"harvardgazette","date":"December 4, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"A study by Harvard researchers is the first to explore new parents\u2019 attitudes toward genomic testing on newborns. 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