Jean Gauthier took a temporary job at University Health Sevices by chance in 1986 after turning away from the music world, and by 1992, she had become the health assistant supervisor in the Internal Medicine Department, a key position. But her love for music never completely died, and she has finally brought music back into her life with the recent release of a CD. About her position at UHS she says, "It's funny and ironic. I've always had an aversion to medical things. I think I have a need to be compassionate with people." Photo by Susan Wilson.

Yours in Spirit, Jean Gauthier's first recording, proves that you should hold onto your dreams -- for a very long time. Twelve years ago, this University Health Services administrator left a career in music, burnt out and disenchanted. For years afterward she didn't sing a note. Last fall, though, Gauthier brought out her first CD, Yours in Spirit, on which she performs 10 songs that she composed in a rush between February and June of last year. "How Can It Be So Long?" is the title of the first song.

In a hearty blues contralto, Gauthier sings of hope, love, and loss: "Letting Go, Holding On," as one of the song titles puts it. One of the loveliest songs, "Daughter of My Own Sister," is dedicated to her 10-year-old niece. This singer considers herself a better lyricist than composer, and her dramatic delivery of miniature moral and emotional lessons ("Keep Some Cowgirl in Your Heart," for example, is another song title) has won her a devoted following.

Gauthier started out as a drama major at a community college in her native New York state, joined a band there and started singing solos, then moved to Boston in 1975, when there was still an active folk music scene here. After working in it for a few years, she felt she needed to develop vocally, so she enrolled at the Berklee School of Music. It was probably a mistake.

"I definitely felt alone and alienated from the other students," Gauthier says. She went into Berklee strong and confident, but left with the thought, "I'm not sure I have the kind of talent I had when I went in." She did get some excellent coaching, but Berklee in the 1980s was heavily male- dominated -- she was often the only woman in class. And, at 30, she was much older than the other students. She soldiered on in the music business for a while after she finished her degree and then, discouraged, gave up. She took a temporary job at University Health Services (UHS) in 1986 because a friend happened to be there.

Then her father died. Her music almost died with him. "I inherited my love of music from my dad," Gauthier says. "His death was too close to my music, because he was the source of my feelings in music." She stopped playing, publicly and privately.

In 1990, she made an attempt to bridge her two worlds, organizing a music program for long-term elderly patients in the infirmary on the top floor at UHS, but there wasn't much of a need and the program lasted only a few months.

The job Gauthier had taken by chance became permanent. By 1992, she had become the health assistant supervisor in the Internal Medicine Department, a key position. She oversees the running of the clinic and mediates among clinicians, support staff, and administrators. She still says she doesn't know how she ended up in medicine. "It's funny and ironic," she says. "I've always had an aversion to medical things. I think I have a need to be compassionate with people."

The turning point came in 1994, when Gauthier joined the Batucada Belles, a women's percussion marching band with an Afro-Brazilian sound. "We're at every event where music is needed to give energy," she says.

She'd had her eye on the band for a long time, but there had never been an opening. And she had always loved percussion. When the band invited her to play the agogo bell, suddenly she started experiencing music the way kids do -- she could play and have fun unselfconsciously. It had taken Gauthier seven years to re-enter the music world and to find the joy she had lost.

Her UHS colleagues have been very supportive of Gauthier's musical career. She has given two concerts at Monks Library on the second floor of the Health Center. Her colleagues are also enthusiastic buyers of her CD. "I love the people I work with," she says.

Gauthier can be heard in Boston on WERS, the Emerson College FM station, which showcases local talent, and WUMB, primarily a folk music station. She is currently performing in "open mike" shows at Club Passim and Soho, both in Cambridge, the sort of gigs she did when she first started out.

"As soon as I got back into music, my whole life blossomed," she says. "Now I trust my gut. I never want to get into professional music again or get caught up in perfectionism, forgetting the heart of music. It's not technique. It's not how many people bought your CD.

"Why you begin in music," she says, "is to share music with people."

Yours in Spirit may be purchased at New Words Bookstore in Cambridge or by sending $15 to: Jean Gauthier, P.O. Box 382487, Cambridge, MA 02238-2487.